The Catskill Chronicle

By Mort Malkin

Homo sapiens were never meant to pursue certain activities. The list includes:

• Splitting atoms — either for nuclear bombs or for making steam for nuclear power plants.
• Fracturing the bedrock of the earth.
• Drilling for oil in deep water beyond the depths that the CEOs of BP. Exxon, or Halliburton can dive with SCUBA gear to fix a leak/surge.
• Fooling around with genes beyond what nature allows, even in this time of sexual revolution. Also cloning.
• Geo-engineering.

Acknowledging that the planet is overheating and the resultant climate chaos is mostly of our own doing, a wide range of people is coming forward with geo-engineering quick fixes. They rarely talk about burning less fossil fuel, living simpler, and so, reducing emissions. These would-be saviors of the planet include scientists, engineers, venture capitalists, and the Pentagon.

One group of beetle-brained ideas looks to block out some of the sunshine that strikes the earth. Of course, the technology is needed since there’s less ice and snow in the polar regions in the Post Modern to reflect the sun’s rays back into space. Some folks are designing giant parasols to deploy into orbit. Others want to spray SPF-35 aerosols into the stratosphere. A clothing accessory company has acquired a fireworks firm and is outfitting Roman Candles with sequins to the same purpose. What will the aliens think of a sparkling planet?
A couple of boat designers, more down to earth, said, “forget some funny satellite.” They have blueprints for an ocean going catamaran that would spew out a constant mist of sea water to form clouds to block the sun’s rays. A robotic fleet of their boats would criss-cross the oceans and be under GPS guidance to avoid storms and pods of migrating whales. One problem they are still working on is how to use solar power if the boats will constantly be sailing under mist and clouds.

A major deficiency of all the sun shading technologies is that they don’t address the ever increasing concentrations of CO2 that we pour out into air from coal fired power plants and our SUVs. Much of the atmospheric CO2 dissolves in the sea, creating fizzy water — not fun for the fish or whales.

A number of planet-concerned people, proud of their sense of logic, advise a focus on the culprit — carbon dioxide. These geo-engineers are proposing ways to remove CO2 from the atmosphere and putting it elsewhere. They even assigned their delusions a nice, scientific sounding word — sequestration. They produced computer models of removing CO2 from the air, liquefying it, and piping it deep into the earth. Others thought of planting forests of artificial trees (more like windmills of gas-absorbent panels) and using the captured CO2 to make seltzer. Why couldn’t we bring back the 2¢ plain? Yet another scheme is bio-char farming, which is supposed to capture carbon and increase soil quality. But, the quick fix with the greatest potential and the lowest cost is ocean fertilization. They would merely pour nitrates and iron compounds into the sea to create large scale growth of algae and phytoplankton, which would soak up the CO2 by photosynthesis. It would be worth a fortune in carbon offset credits, even if the plankton proved toxic.

How curious it is that the right wing think tanks that have been denying the reality of global heating are suddenly interested in geo-engineering and carbon offset credits. The Heartland Institute, the Reason Foundation, the American Enterprise Institute … are embracing geo-engineering as a cost effective solution to the global heating that doesn’t exist.

The Pentagon, too, is keeping an eye on the various geo-engineering ideas. DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) has expressed interest in and may be putting some unstrung funds into proposals that have military application. DARPA presently has such advanced projects as the MQ-1 Predator, remote controlled insects, onion routing, and transformational technology — nothing would be too wild for them. [The above particulars may sound like the stuff of satire, but Google will confirm it all as real.] The Air Force, which has in the past spoken of “owning the weather,” is also keen on geo-engineering. Better mind your Ps and Qs, all you nations with outspoken indigenous leaders.

It all sounds simple enough: Block the sunshine and cool the planet. Remove the CO2 from the atmosphere and make it into dry ice to cool our homes in the longer, hotter summer.  But, who speaks of Murphy’s Law? Who will restrain the goddess of unforeseen consequences? Both keep a low profile until a juicy opportunity arrives. Then wahoo. We must be vigilant or global overheating and climate calamity will be largened and fastened. One of the poets of the Gadfly Revelry & Research team (GRR) offers a poem that tells the story.

                         Energy,
not seen except
in light, not heard
outside of sound, but

measured across
dimensions of
whimsy from nano

to mondo.  How
precise it seems,
how well controlled we

believe until
[who could have known]
a great oops goes down.

Amid all the creative technology, has anyone thought of using less fossil fuel (80% less) to prevent the coming planetary disaster? Prevention? How mundane.