The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced,

Some years ago my best friend (since we were children) stopped going to church. When I asked her about it, at the time, all she would say was she needed to work some things through and wouldn’t talk about it until she did.

The few times I brought it up again I was asked to please let it be.

After almost 3 years since I last questioned her, she announced to me that she is an atheist.

I have no idea how to deal with this; she hasn’t changed on the outside but she must be someone else on the inside. She tried explaining it to me, but I was so shocked I couldn’t understand what she was talking about.

How can I be friends with someone who has no morals? Am I wrong to cut her out of my life?

Chagrinned in Cochecton

Dear Chagrinned,

Allow me to ask you a few questions: has she been less of a friend in the intervening years, has she been less kind, considerate or caring? Has she been there for you when you needed her? Have you seen her treat anyone else differently than she had when she was a church-goer? I doubt it since, for the most part, we are who we are regardless of the faith or non-faith we proclaim.

Since you specifically mentioned “church” I am assuming that you are a Christian with at least some understanding of when the bible was written. Do you believe that people had no morals before the 3000+ years ago when it was beginning to be written? Do you think humanity would have survived up to that time without morals?

I see more and more people on the net proclaiming that without religion everyone would be free to kill and rob and rape. If you weren’t religious with a fear of eternal punishment would you be doing those things? I didn’t think so.

It seems to me that your friend has walked a long and difficult road – all alone – and came out the other end of it with a clear perspective on her life going forward.

Atheists are now the last truly reviled group in the country. Many, maybe even most, are afraid to come out to their friends and relatives for fear of the exact reaction that you described you had, especially those who had been religious.

I truly hope you have not broken her confidence – it is her truth to share or not as she sees fit.

Please seriously consider what I have said and the risk she took by coming out to you.

We both know it could not have been easy for her.

Be well, and be kind