The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced:
How does one criticize Israeli policy without being called anti-Semitic?
Tested from Tarrytown

Dear Tested:
As in all other aspects of life, you must pick your fights carefully. Don’t waste time debating with the ranters and ravers – no matter what you say or how right you might be, you will never get through to them.
Also, you must not only have all your own facts lined up, you must know both sides of each argument. Not only the impact of a given government policy, but what drove the government to institute it (their stated reasons – not speculation), and with what intended outcome.
No government on this planet is right all the time – few are right most of the time – people institute policies, ergo they are flawed in both their inception and execution.
You may find it necessary to remind people that both Arabs and Jews are Semites – thus their accusation is faulty on its face.
Whatever else you do, you must remain calm, polite and listen carefully to your opponent’s words and intent and give that person the respect that you wish shown to you.
Cogent, well thought out arguments will convince any considered debater that your convictions on this issue are intellectual rather than prejudicial..
Be well.

Dear Twice Divorced:
My husband and I have two young daughters (5 and 7) and they are at that age when they want to spend time with their friends away from our home. Since the time we were engaged, my husband and I discussed having children and how they should be raised. At that time we both felt the same way … we wanted them to be independent, make their own choices if they were within reason, and give them room to grow and socialize with other children – to see how other families worked. My husband has recently done a complete 180, and doesn’t want the girls going to play in anyone else’s home. He feels they are not safe even if I’m there with them! He thinks that we are the only ones that can provide a safe place to play, and if the girls want play dates, the other children should come to our home. The girls take this as some sort of punishment without any clue of what they have done wrong.
His attitude has become a constant battle and I’ve about had it. We live in the Cascade Mountains and we are all housebound for a good part of the year, with little or no socializing. I’m surprised with his overbearing, protective views of raising children, that the girls are even allowed to go to school. It’s now summer and he’s trying to keep the girls locked up in their “safe tower.” We fight daily, and I can’t get through to him that the girls can’t develop and mature as they should, and that he is making them miserable. I am to the point of hitting the road, with or without my husband, and take that road back down the mountain to try and pick up the pieces so my girls can find their place in this world and grow along with it.
Do you have any idea how I can get through to my husband before I end up without one?
At My Wit’s End

Dear Wit’s End,
I believe it has happened to every parent – child-rearing theory getting slapped upside the head by reality. I know I’ve been there on a few issues and while I was able to work my way through those times with the help of family and friends, it sounds as if your husband may have already moved to the stage where family counseling is an absolute necessary. While it is natural to be fearful for our children, it is our job as parents to prepare them for life – in small steps – by giving them the opportunity to be responsible and letting them make decisions and live with the consequences.
I do wish you had been more specific about where you live so that I could recommend resources, but you can certainly find them on the Web yourself. Please do not delay, as every fight puts more stress on your daughters as well as your marriage. The last thing you would want for your girls would be to grow up thinking they were the cause of you and your husband splitting up – it would be a lifelong burden.
Be well.

Letters can be sent to deartwice@yahoo.com or Catskill.Chronicle@yahoo.com. Be sure to put Twice Divorced in the Subject line.