The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced:

I, too, am twice divorced. My most recent marriage lasted over twenty years. Then I met a man more than twenty years my junior. We lived together for eight years. I have been alone for almost three years now.

It took a long time to get used to living alone; for in one way or another I have been taking care of other people all my life and, before now, spent a mere six months on my own — at the age of eighteen. I like living alone and making my own decisions, but sometimes it gets very lonely.

I don’t know if it is the living alone or the failed relationships, but I find myself terrified of meeting someone and even beginning a new relationship much less falling in love again.

My friends and family encourage me to try an online dating service, but the problem for me is not that I can’t find a date, it’s that I’m afraid of failing at love yet again or that maybe, just maybe I am unlovable and the effort is just not worth it anymore at my age.

I am lonely, not just for someone to talk to, but to hold and to hold me back. Is there a way back to the road to love?

Hoping for Love

Dear Hoping,

The only thing that has really changed in this area during our lifetimes is that the wide eyed optimism is gone. If once burned is twice shy, twice burned is problematic, thrice burned is the basis for serious trepidation. You cannot, however, let this keep you from going after what you want out of life.  Is there emotional risk ahead? Of course there is, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life wishing instead of doing?

Three intense relationships, and family and friends who care enough to encourage you prove that you are, indeed, lovable. Relationships end for a large variety of reasons few of which qualify as failures, and this is true of close friendships as well as emotional entanglements. 

To my mind the very definition of love is to be more concerned about the well being of another person than your own. How can this possibly ever be a failure?

Whether consciously or not, I believe you have already concluded that the joys, insanity and aggravation of a relationship outweigh the peace and independence of solitude. So get yourself out there and enjoy the search — wondering what could have been is no way to spend the rest of your life.

Have fun, and

Be Well

Letters can be sent to deartwice@yahoo.com or Catskill.Chronicle@yahoo.com. Be sure to put Twice Divorced in the Subject line.

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