The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced,

I’m a middle-aged woman who has never married and had children of my own. I do have a huge extended family that I’m very close to. With family there is always drama and mine is no different. I have always taken care of myself but by the skin of my teeth. I make enough to get by but I don’t live well by any means.

I do have a lot of stress in my life and it does show, whether on my face or in my voice, and my friends and family pick up on it. Someone always seems to ask the question inquiring how I can possibly be stressed out about anything, not having a family of my own. They seem to think that, since I don’t have children, I live a life of light heartedness and bliss. They don’t seem to take into consideration that this is a painful subject for me. Then they have the nerve to tell me how lucky I am.

How do I get across to them that I suffer the same ups and downs in life that they do? Fear of the unknown and future? Loneliness? Money, security, growing old alone? How do I get it through their heads that I am not lucky to be childless and I’m holding on for dear life?

Ready to Blow in Bayonne

Dear Ready,

The next time someone asks you what you have to be stressed about, ask them how much time they have or if they would like a list. And when someone has the audacity to tell you that being childless is a matter of great fortune, go ahead and blow. Tell them in no uncertain terms where to go and what to do when they get there.

I suspect that you are entirely too polite with these people and that is one of the reasons for their continued dismissal of your feelings. I also suspect that you are the first person they turn to when they need help with something because they think you have nothing better to do. And besides, you always say “yes, of course I’ll babysit or drive you to the airport or help you move or paint your house or put in a new septic system” or whatever else they come up with.

You need to do two things: first, believe that you deserve better treatment than you are currently receiving and, second, learn to say no. Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying it definitively over and over and over until the word enters your mind long before yes does.

Be Well

Letters can be sent to deartwice@yahoo.com or Catskill.Chronicle@yahoo.com. Be sure to put Twice Divorced in the subject line.

To view all of the cartoons for Twice Divorced or to purchase prints visit the Chronicle on Zenfolio.