The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced,
A few weeks ago I had a growth removed. The biopsy came back as squamous cell carcinoma – benign. I heaved a sigh of relief and then my doctor said, “It’s still cancer, benign or not.”
For now I am supposed to have regular checkups and get more tests…and schedule a visit with a dermatologist.
The question is – what, if anything, do I tell my family? I am divorced and my children are grown and moved away. I don’t want to worry anyone.
Confused

Dear Confused,
There is only one person who can really answer that question: You.
It depends on your relationship with each child as an individual. Are any of them inveterate worriers? Will they be supportive, panicky or completely unconcerned? How will your expectations of how they interact with you change after they are told? If one of them calls monthly now, will you suddenly expect twice weekly calls from that child, and would that be reasonable in light their personal responsibilities and habits? Will there be pressure put on you to move in with one or all of them – is that your goal? If yes, how would you choose? And how would you feel if the one you would like to move in with does not invite you?

Telling them of this situation must inexorably change your relationship with each of them, and you are the person best equipped to determine the likely directions any changes will take. This is not an easy decision and I hope you will take your time in reaching it.

On the other hand, do not take your time in following your doctor’s recommendations. In a way you are very lucky in that you know there are things going on in your body that should be looked at immediately. Too many of us ignore changes in our bodies as simple signs of aging rather than some thing to have checked. I have seen too many wizened women like ourselves suffer horribly or die due to one of two beliefs – I’m just getting old and don’t want to waste the doctor’s time – or – no, not me, I can’t have cancer.

If you have not yet made these appointments, Get up off your duff, pick up the phone and make those calls – right now. No delay is acceptable, justifiable or permissible. After you have your appointments in hand, go to http://www.acs.org to prepare yourself with questions for when you go in for the tests and return for the results.

The decision on how to handle this with your children can wait, saving your life cannot. Please, get the tests, be taken care of, and…
Be well

Letters can be sent to deartwice@yahoo.com or Catskill.Chronicle@yahoo.com. Be sure to put Twice Divorced in the Subject line.