The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced by Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced,

As my husband is in the military, our family has moved several times.

We have two daughters, ages 11 and 13, and we allow them to have Facebook pages, which I closely monitor. We feel this helps the girls retain and build upon friendships they make as we move from one community to the next.

Out of the blue, and after a more than two-year disappearing act, my brother called me to complain that the girls won’t “friend” him on Facebook.

I reminded him he had been ignoring my e-mails and calls for a couple of years, and that he hadn’t seen the girls since they were toddlers. My brother said he was trying to fix missing out on their lives for so long by being their friend on Facebook.

My response was the girls get to choose their own friends. He got angry and hung up on me. Now half of my family is mad at me?

What did I do wrong?

Friendless at the Fort

Dear Friendless,

BRAVA!

Your protective instincts are commendable – you have done nothing wrong. Your brother is the culprit in this situation.

As a relative stranger he had no business putting those girls on the spot by requesting that they “friend” him. If anyone, I would have expected him to friend you not your children to re-establish familial bonds.

What really perplexes me are the relatives that seem to be siding with him. Do they not understand what a dangerous place the Web can be, especially for young girls? Don’t they understand that virtually anyone could have claimed to be their uncle? Can it be that they are so pleased with his reappearance that any contact anyone has with him must be considered a valued treasure?

Your brother needs to re-establish relationships with the adults in your family before he tries something like this with the children. Even after he has done so, it should still be up to your girls and the other youngsters in your family to determine who their friends should be.

Stick to your guns, and
Be Well