Twice Divorced by Grayce Goin
Dear Twice Divorced –
I just don’t understand where I went wrong. I raised my children to work for they want, accept the consequences of their actions and know that a successful life is measured by happiness, not by their bank balances.
I have five children, now in their late 20s and early 30s. They all seemed happy with their lives.
Recently my youngest, 27, said he was coming home for a visit and bringing the woman he’s in love with along to meet the family. Upon their arrival I was shocked to discover that she is 20 years older than my son! She had been teaching at the school where he did his student teaching. They met up again at a seminar, had lunch together and discovered a world of shared interests. The relationship took off from there. The funny thing is that she and I might have been friends under other circumstances.
Did I let my son down as a mother? Is he looking for another "mother" figure to provide something that I didn’t? I just don’t understand any of this at all.
Despairing
Dear Despairing,
Don’t despair. You said it yourself, they "discovered a world of shared interests."
Your own observation of how they interacted should tell you everything you need to know. Did they act like a couple in love or was he looking to her as he does to you?
Our society has long accepted older men with younger women and there is no reason why the obverse shouldn’t also be true.
Actually, why "society" should care who any consenting adult loves is beyond me. I believe most people have more than enough to deal with in their own lives and interjecting themselves into the personal lives of others is absolutely absurd.
Please, be supportive of your son and his choices. You may well develop a close friendship with the woman in his life.
Be Well
The Catskill Chronicle 
Barry,
“Despairing” gave no indication that her issue with the woman went any deeper than the societal taboo. Had she done so I would have recommended that she speak with a qualified professional for assistance in resolving the underlying issue.
As for “from whence does society make that rule” or any other rule for that matter, how far back in the history of homo sapiens would you like to go?
Civilization didn’t just spring up out of thin air. As people’s milieus grew from clans to living in villages to towns then cities, they had to develop systems whereby they could live together in relative harmony and have reasonable expectations concerning their interactions with others.
When you keep in mind that the common drive among all living things is reproduction, it becomes easy to see why early civilizations would have little regard for this specific type of relationship.
While an older man may impregnate a younger woman, it is far less likely that an older woman will bear children. Even though the population issue has taken a 180 degree turn, the disapprobation has remained as it can take a very long time for any
society to appreciate that what has always been is no longer relevant.
Be Well
Grayce-
We need to understand WHY that mother felt she went “wrong.” Where does her belief come from. Is it just from society’s rules of acceptance, or is it deeper than that.
From whence does society make that rule. That is what needs to be addressed.
Barry Plaxen