The Catskill Chronicle

 Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced –
All of a sudden, my otherwise well-behaved 4 1/2 year-old-granddaughter is exhibiting some nasty tendencies like talking back and even yelling at me and other adults. We babysit her on average once a week during the summer, and I have no patience for this behavior. I suspect that she is being influenced by someone in her daycare group. Her parents are experiencing the same problems, and when I asked the girl’s mother if she was going to discuss it with the day care provider, she said she would think about it.
1) What is the best way to handle my granddaughter when she yells at me?
2) How do I approach the daycare provider with this information?
3) Is it fair to ask the daycare provider to watch for the originator of this behavior and handle it there?
Thank you for whatever help you can provide,
Well-meaning, but hopefully not interfering, grandmother

Dear Well-meaning,
First of all you and grandpa must agree on your reaction to this behavior – it is unacceptable. Let her finish her little tantrum, then do something you don’t normally do, pick her up and put her on a chair, or while she is carrying on simply, and calmly walk out of the room.
When she is done and you clearly have her attention, explain in no uncertain terms that the behavior in totally unacceptable and will not be tolerated in your home or anywhere else.
If appropriate, tell her if it happens again she will not be welcome back. If she does it again, pick her up and put her in the chair again telling her that that is where she is to stay until she can behave appropriately and walk out of the room staying calm – you must be the example of the behavior you want from her.
There is nothing you can do about the parent’s handling of this problem, although it would be helpful if they had the exact same reaction as you do. If this is allowed to continue, it will only get worse over time until the child becomes the bane of everyone’s existence.
Unless you already have some regular interaction with the daycare provider, it would not be appropriate for you to contact that person; it is the parent’s job and it should be done immediately. And yes, it would be appropriate that they ask that all the children’s behavior be monitored, and whenever a tantrum is thrown, the behavior should be strongly discouraged.
Be well

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