The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced,

When I went home for the holidays last year I found out that my younger sister was dating a guy I knew from high school. He was a pretty good student, worked a part time job. Thing is he had a bad reputation and was always on the edge of getting caught for some kind of trouble he’d been into. He sold pot, he shoplifted, planned these ridiculous, elaborate practical jokes and got his buddies to pull them off. They’d get caught and suspended, and he would play Mr. Innocent.  He also played the field and messed around with any girl he could get away with. Once he got what he wanted, he moved on to his next target. Anyway, I told my sister all of this, didn’t preach to her — just told her the way he was.

On Christmas Day this year, my sister announced she had gotten engaged to this guy the night before. Even through the shock I pretended to be happy for her, even asked her about wedding gowns. I know people change but I had my doubts about this guy.

Unfortunately this low-life my sister is planning to marry has not changed. We were at a New Years Eve party when he started hitting on me hard. He was drinking away, and started telling me how he had always wanted me, and the reason he asked my sister out was because she reminded him of me. He promised if I’d do it with him once he’d be happy for the rest of his life. I got away from him and the party as fast as I could.

Now what? What do I tell my sister? Do I even tell her?  They’ve been engaged a week ! It’ll break her heart. She may not even believe me, and be angry with me. Yes, he was drinking so maybe it was the booze talking … I don’t know what to do.

In a Dilemma

Dear Dilemma:

When I was young my family owned a bar, and when I was 10 or 11, I heard someone comment: “What is said when drunk has been thought out beforehand.” At the time I thought something along the lines of “That’s the beer talking,” but I did start really listening to what the customers were discussing. By the time my high school Latin class came across the phrase “in vino veritas,” I knew the truth of it; alcohol may loosen the tongue, but the thoughts that roll over it have been well considered.

This guy might have thought you were unattainable in high school and let you be, but when karma presented your sister he saw the opportunity to take that black mark off his “score card.”  As far as I am concerned, you must tell your sister. Better to have her angry with you now than after a few years of marriage when she is devastated by his philandering, and you have to admit what happened at that party.

Even if your sister should become convinced that he has changed and marries him in spite of his history, at least you know you kept nothing from her and will be able to support her with a clear conscience when and if her world falls apart. Of course, this leopard may well change his spots, and they could live happily ever after. Either way your sister will come to understand the difficulty of your position and the depth of your love by risking her wrath to save her from future pain.
Be Well

Letters can be sent to deartwice@yahoo.com or Catskill.Chronicle@yahoo.com. Be sure to put Twice Divorced in the Subject line.

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