The Catskill Chronicle

Twice Divorced – By Grayce Goin

Dear Twice Divorced,

A few years ago, I found myself in the position of having to make the hardest and most painful decision of my life. Whether or not to remove my mother from life support. 

Fortunately, I had other family members to turn to, so I wasn’t quite so alone in making this choice. 

The doctors asked if I knew what her wishes were if a situation such as this ever arose. I did not, and it was a subject that was never discussed, at least with me.

My family also had to make a decision as to what to do with her remains when she passed. This was another subject I had never talked about with my mother.

With my family’s love and support, I signed the papers allowing for removal of life support measures and transfer to a hospice. I also made arrangements for cremation as the time left would be short. I believe this is what my mother would have wanted us to do …

As I grow older, I do not want my son to have to face these same decisions. I also know what I want done with my remains … I wish to be with my mother and grandmother, my ashes scattered in the same place.

I also have a special request that when my ashes scatter to the sea, the ashes of my beloved companion of 15 years, my dog, join me. I don’t know how to go about making sure my wishes are followed out. What do you believe I should do that would best guarantee that my son not have to make a life-or-death decision for me and also ensure that my remains, and that of my dog, are scattered where I wish them to be?

Concerned,

Dear Concerned,

I am glad to see that you have come out of a very difficult situation with a determination to see that the same thing does not happen to those you love. There is a wealth of information on the Internet, a large proportion of which are commercial businesses.

I have listed below a variety of non-profit websites that can assist you in determining the course          best suited to you and those you love.

http://www.hov.org/health_care_decisions.aspx – For end of life instructions and Medical Power of Attorney.

http://www.caringinfo.org/stateaddownload – For state-by-state forms.

https://www.compassionandchoices.org/sslpage.aspx – Information and assistance in decision making. This is a site that promotes individual choice for end of life issues. It also contains a number of links to like-minded informational sites.

While this is an issue few of us like to think about, being proactive while of sound mind and body can go a long way towards having our wishes acceded to and will certainly be appreciated by those we leave behind.

Be Well

Letters can be sent to deartwice@yahoo.com or Catskill.Chronicle@yahoo.com. Be sure to put Twice Divorced in the subject line.

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